It's back

Imposter syndrome that is. I start my OB clinical rotation on Monday, and I am afraid everyone is going to figure out I don't know what the hell I am doing.

It's been a year since I had any true patient contact, and that was in a PACU setting. I was shielded from any harm. If there was ever a code to be run, my job was to step aside and not cry.

Now, it's my job to step up and not cry. Oh, and not let the patient die. Technically, I am only qualified at this point to do chest compressions, record, or bag, but that scares the life out of me.

I did a tour of the emergency department yesterday, and wouldn't you know it...code came in by wagon, guy was shopping at F/M, and looked like he was the poster child for heart attacks, sadly. Thank G-d, he was alert and talking when he arrived. I really would have hit the ground, and would be patient in trauma bed 2.

Thankfully, my most critical patients will be at the end of the program. I start out in OB where most people are healthy and don't really need a nurse, or hospital. Guess, what, babies find their way out regardless if there is someone there to catch it... or really, if there is pushing. The next clinical experience is in the out patient treatment clinic. That's where you see wound care, ostomy care, respiratory therapies etc. Yes people are sick, but they aren't in the hospital so their status is better than acute. Speaking of acute, that starts in like week five, and it goes for 4 weeks.

On my way

I took the job in Newport, of course. I have been in orientation for about a week. It's not what you think, it's mostly classroom learning about how the computers work, etc.

Next week I start on the clinical orientation. Guess where I start? Come on guess.... Yep.. it's in the OB department. Please see last year's postings for my OB clinical rotation. I will keep you posted. I think once I am on my own as a nurse, my postings will be a whole lot more interesting. I don't know though.

Now I am working on all other things to get back on track; bills, place to sleep that's not a couch in Miss Courtney's house,my head, my guy, etc.

I think I need some CCC....

I saw the kids yesterday, and had an absolutely Wonderful Mother's Day... best I could ask for at this point.

Almost There

Today I was offered a position at Newort Hospital, as an RN Grad. My offer was of course, contingent on passing a drug test within 24 hours of the offer.

I have to run to Albany tomorrow to have the test done, and then, I will be looking for a place to live on the coast.

On a funny note, I have to share a story about my visit with the kids yesterday.

I asked Eee if he had lunch at his grandma's house.

His reply, "no, I just had a donut today."

Me: "only a donut, huh?"

Eee: "yep, it was the best donut I have ever had."

Me: "really, wow!"

Eee: " I went to Joe's Donuts, and it was the best donut I ever had."

Me: nodding my head

Eee: " Joe doesn't work there anymore. I guess he doesn't want to." Matter of factly.

I guess you had to be there.

Thoughts of Unknown Origin

Will I live long enough to read all the books I want to read, and all the books I should have read in college, but didn't?

I often think there is no such thing as sanity. I think someone who is schizophrenic made up "normal." Who the hell else could think of such a thing?

Living at the coast both scares me and makes me feel like I might finally be home. I guess only time will tell.

When I drive on the freeway and I see daffodils in the median, I believe a higher put them for me to make me believe. "Random acts of daffodils." Kindness in its purest form.

I hate the book I am reading, but refuse to put it down. Am I winning the fight, or is there a fight here in at all?

I really want this one

I really would like the job I interviewed for today. It's a good fit for me as far as learning style, and comfort level as a nurse.

Now we wait.

Until next week.

Nervous, and emotional

I have a job interview tomorrow and I am really nervous. I am so nervous that I am getting emotional about it. I catch myself crying mostly, I cry at my desk at work, or in the car when no one knows, but I can't shake this feeling. The feeling that I can't quite put words to explain, when asked.

Thoughts of Unknown Origin

There was sun two days this week in Salem, seems like a lifetime of waiting for the sun.

Tax day has come and gone, and funny, since I have NO money it didn't trouble me. Except for the fact that I hadn't received the 1099 I was waiting for. Eh.

I miss little girl slumber parties, from when I was a girl. Miss Courtney's oldest had a friend spend the night last night, it was darling I tell you, darling.

I am wondering, when one finds themself, do they recognize it as themself? (I know there is no such word.)

I am looking forward to the next Harry Potter movie. I am sad that it's getting close to the last movie, as is with the book series. Alas, all good things come to an end.

I haven't watched T.V. in so long it feels like I am in nursing school still.